Scott Kennedy - Reissued

This piece was written in the days following my running of the Motatapu Marathon for the second time in March 2006. I’ve since run this even twice more – once with music and once without… I hope you enjoy!
Sk

A Marathon In the Key of Life

Last Saturday I ran, for the second year in a row, the Motatapu Marathon. it is a backcountry race that crosses several back-blocks sheep stations that for the other 364 days a year are closed to the public. so there is a two-fold draw to race in this event. first, the obvious draw, to race against the competition and yourself. but the more lucrative purpose is to get to cross this amazing piece of land that you only have one chance a year to do. with a mix of both of those reasons dancing in my head, I fronted up to the start.

For me music is more then something that you hear on the radio. When I write I hear music, when I ski, the music plays. And when I run, my iPod is my most reliable training partner. Maybe it's something to take away the boredom, the pain, maybe it's the placebo that carries me through. I'm not sure the answer, but it's safe to say my life has a soundtrack.

8am, its cold I can still see my breath. 500 runners shuffle nervously at the start line trying to mentally prepare for what's about to happen. I feel good, prepared, stretched. I want to go. I want to start. I'm sick of waiting around. Let’s go. Under starter’s orders now, the briefing is done. I feel beneath my shirt and press play. Then the gun.

"Beautiful Day" U2 - ”it's a beautiful day, sky falls you feel it, it's a beautiful day, don't let it slip away." I feel great, off running as fast as I can, keeping pace, feeling good. there is blur of people all around, mad passing, jockeying for position, elbows out, fight for good road. "Take me to that other place, teach me, I know I'm not a hopeless case" getting into rhythm now getting to my pace all feels good - this is what I trained for.

"My Music @ Work" The Tragically Hip - it's time to get down to business, I'm here for the long haul this isn't a sprint, get settled in. at my pace now, I pass some, some pass me. not worried, I'm racing my race. it's all in my head now "outside the darkness lurks, my music at work, my music at work." 7k's down all feeling good.

"Last Exit" Pearl Jam – I have to drink, have to breathe, "Under my breath...I swear by sin... For better or for worse...a best we began... Let the sun climb, oh, burn 'way my mask Three days, and maybe longer" the pain has begun, I knew it would arrive, it always does. Slow at first, creeping in like a low fog. it touches my lungs first. The air stings to breathe. big exhale, clear the lungs, reset the system. still the fog creeps, deeper inside. I close my eyes, time to make peace, time to relish the pain that will come. If I fight it now, it will only lash back twice as hard. This is what I signed up for.

"World Wide Suicide" Pearl Jam - "And in all the madness, Thought becomes numb and naive, So much to talk about, And nothing for us to say, It’s the same every day" it's a crazy sport, to choose to put yourself out there, to choose to hurt when you don't have to. there isn't some wildebeest chasing me, I'm not perusing a buffalo to feed my family, I have decided that I want to do this. I try and put those thoughts out of my mind and just concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other, I start to pass into my own world, in a cocoon away from the others around me. In a crowd completely alone.

"Know your rights" The Clash - I'm angry now. The hunger to achieve, my best is flowing through me. Attacking hills and charging down the other side, "This is a public service announcement, with guitars" the music is feeding me power now, not just reflecting my mood but projecting it. Joe Strummer screams in my ears, "Get up and scream!" It keeps me going. 20k's down, feeling alright. I see a friend at an aid station, I'm too buggered to form words of hello, I just smile and wave as I take the cup of water. The sun is high now, hot in the sky. I put on my cap to shade my eyes. I try and remember to drink but my dehydrating brain can't fend for itself. I look to my arm where I have scrawled projected split times and words of encouragement like, "DRINK" and "EAT", I take a sip of energy gel, it has the consistency of maple syrup and tastes like children's cough medicine. Horrible stuff, but it works. The aid station is a spec behind me now. I'm in the high hanging valley now. 15km uphill in the heat of the sun, this is the crux.

"Sweet Emotion" Aerosmith - I'm in the grey world now. it is like there a shadowy blanket around me, insulating me from the joy of the world. the scenery is spectacular but all I can feel is pain. my throat burns from breathing hard for hours, my chest aches from overfilling my lungs a thousand times in a row, "Said my get up and go musta got up and went" my legs are like stone, my knees throb. I take another drink and put my head down, "sweet emotion, sweet emotion" I remember the goal to finish.

"Where the Streets have no Name" U2 - the organ brings me back to the now, pulling me out of the shadow world. I look to the sky and see the most amazing place on earth. untouched valleys, golden grass as far as I can see. "I want to run, I want to hide, I want to tare down the walls that hold me inside, I want to reach out and touch the flame, where the streets have no name." for the first time in hours a smile reaches my face. Some people talk about a runners high, until you have felt it you really have no concept for what it's all about. "blown by the wind, blown by the wind" it feels like you are on a ride, detached from your legs as they run on their own beneath you. I look down to my legs and I can't feel a thing, the pain is gone, I'm not even telling them what to do anymore, I'm on autopilot now. I laugh, look to the mountains, take a drink and kick up the pace. it's time to go, time to move before the endorphin high wears off and I plunge back to reality.

"Run" Pacifier - "And so you run, What you holding on, holding on to, Run, Life is going on, all around you, Run, What you holding on, holding on to, Run, Look what's going on, all around you" still on a high I pass the 30k mark, downhill now, I'm off pace but happy, I pass a few people and feel good, drink, gel, drink. "Don't want to have to make a change, wouldn’t want to exaggerate the pain, Go running back to the old ways" skipping downhill my knees hurt but I don't care. 32k's, 10ks to go I pull out the secret weapon. The Red Bull hits me like mainline heroin, the caffeine rocks me and the sugar lights a fire beneath me.

"Rockin' in the Free World" Neil Young - like an old friend Neil's scream in my year urging me down the home stretch, "Got a man of the people, says keep hope alive, Got fuel to burn, got roads to drive." I pass a few others and try and keep something for the home stretch, into the trees now, muddy in places and all over the place. Watch the footing, too close now to fuck up.

"Home Again" Shihad - "It's been a day of, tiny triumphs, it's been a week spent in despair." the end is near, soon it will be all over and the pain will start to fade, and it will be all worth it. The going is steep now, loose gravel and rocks threaten my steps. keep focus, stay in the now, charging hard I hit the flat riverbed at the bottom. 6ks to go. the pain is returning, I can't fool my body forever, it knows the race is almost done. there is only so long I can keep up with this output. I swallow some more water and hit the first river crossing. refreshing at first. but the cold fills me to the very bones. My feet are numb by the time I get to the other side 10 meters from the far side. I take a few strides and my feet scream. the glacially fed river came to just past my knees but it is my feet that are paying the price. I shuffle a few strides before I force myself back into a pathetic jog. as my feet return to life I see the next river.

"No one knows" Queens of the Stone Age - "I journey through the desert, Of the mind, With no hope, I follow" the second river hurts more then the first, the third is worse yet, by the time I hit 4 and 5 my legs are totally numb and I am so fucking over this race. then at the darkest moment between songs I hear something else, I hear a cheer. I'm almost there, 2ks to go. I find a new gear and kick it in. it's almost over and I am going to finish this as a sprint!

"Mr. Brightside" The Killers, "I'm coming out of my cage, And I’ve been doing just fine, Gotta gotta gotta be down, because I want it all." I round the corner to see a couple hundred people cheering me on to the finish. I give it everything, no point in leaving fuel in the tank, charging hard I cross the line and the clock stops. for the first time in four and a half hours I stop. it feels odd, like when you first get off a treadmill, uneasy with the lack of inertia. I feel ill, sick, my head is spinning, I walk to the drinks table and down two glasses of water before I realize Soph is in front of my. We hug and the race is over.

The music stops, the dance is over. I walk and stretch and talk to friends, Soph holds my hand and for the first time in hours I feel love. The pain and toil that the race provided was a beast to be overcome, I fought it with everything I had and I won. The war was over and the peace was enough to bring me to tears.

26 miles
42 Kilometres
4 hours 30 minutes
73 songs